Self-editing for fiction writers: Making description active

We've all read one of those books.  You know the kind.  The ones where the action is wonderful, the characters are complex, and you're hooked on the story.  There's just one problem:  the extensive descriptive passages that seem to have nothing to do with the story.

If you're like me, you spend a lot of time thinking about physical setting before you write.  I usually have a pretty clear idea in my head of what things look like, where they are, and how/why they're significant to my characters.  And I've been known, in first drafts, go just write a descriptive sequence, knowing that it'll have to be changed at a later date.  After all, readers will want to know what the setting looks like, at least to an extent, but I know that they're not going to want to read two pages of description of a character's apartment.     Your characters will need to interact with the setting, changing setting elements from active to passive.

That big, black leather couch under the window?  It shouldn't just sit there and do nothing.  It doesn't have to grow legs or do anything odd, but passive description can be wordy and awkward.  After all, it seems a bit weird to have Johnny come home, then say to himself, "Oh, there's my big, black leather couch under the window."  Instead, think of ways in which Johnny might interact with the couch.  Does he stub a toe on it as he goes past?  Does he fling his jacket onto it?  Shoo his cat off it?  Flop into it after a long day at work?  Any one of these changes the description from passive to active, and active's where it's at.

Passive description example

Johnny opened the door of his apartment and walked in.  There was a big, black leather couch under the window.  The silver blinds were drawn.  The coffee table was piled with newspapers and magazines.

Active description example

Johnny opened the door of his apartment and walked in.  He flung his leather jacket onto the couch under the window, then reached up to open the blinds, much to his cat's delight.  She hopped up onto the back of the black leather couch, surveying the outside world.  Johnny went to drop his keys on the coffee table, then thought better of it.  They just might get lost in the pile of newspapers and magazines.


Keep in mind, both of these are drafts, which I've deliberately left as such.  There's still a considerable amount of tweaking that needs to be done, even with the second example, but both should give you an idea of how to incorporate description more actively into your writing.